Ni dyar'izuba, rizagaruka, hejuru yacu? Ni nduzaricyeza ricyeza?

"Violence against women and girls constituted a well-documented and tragically widespread component of the [Rwandan] genocide and war strategy in 1994. In the 1998 Akayesu judgment at the UN International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda (ICTR), prosecutors were successfully able to demonstrate that genocidal intent spurred extensive sexual violence during the genocide, as determined from individual testimonies regarding the stated intent of the perpetrators and the investigation of sexual violence occurring in a widespread fashion across the country. During the genocide, women and girls--predominantly but not exclusively Tutsi--survived or succumbed to extraordinary acts of violence. Many were raped at barriers erected by the interahamwe youth militia and/or held as sexual captives in exchange for temporary protection from interahamwe militia and the military. Their bodies and spirits were mutilated, humiliated and scarred. "

-excerpted from Amnesty International's 2004 report on the status of HIV/AIDS in Rwanda.

"Survived or succumbed." When those are a woman's options -- or a young girl's -- I wonder which is more attractive.

I read a book awhile back that I've never actually recommended to any of my male friends, not because I doubt their integrity or ability to empathize, but because it relies so heavily on the reader's knowledge of what it is to walk with your eyes constantly looking over your shoulder, to keep your ears attuned to the way the night sounds change as someone approaches -- to know a way out of every situation, to never walk alone at night without realizing you're taking a risk. You are female, after all. You are always somebody's target.

If you were Rwandan in 1994, you might have been a target many times over -- once for being Tutsi, twice for being female, three times by the rest of the world for being African -- and you may have survived only to fall to a more fearsome predator, one that fails to discriminate against race, age, or gender: HIV. AIDS.

The night's getting on, and this topic deserves more time than I have to give it right now. Given my itinerary this weekend, I should be sleeping, not blogging. But I felt it was important that I share what's on my heart more frequently as August approaches. Many of you know that I'm traveling to Rwanda in little more than a month with a team from Sanctuary. Many of you will be receiving letters requesting the same thing that I'm about to ask for here: that you pray for me and for my team as we go. Pray for grace and strength as we prepare for this trip, for humility and understanding once we arrive, for unity as we work, for healing where it's needed most. Pray, also, that the inadequacy of what we are attempting to do in the face of such great need will be forgiven.