All You Other Brothas Can De-ny

Oh, but we are laughing. We are having a good time.

The last time I went for wings at Archie Moore's, Kenji and Bryan were still sharing an apartment on Black Rock Turnpike; and as we argued about who would eat how many wings, I called the Rwanda team leader, Josh Feay, a "smaller man."

There must be something about wings that brings out my size issues, because the conversation this time around was eerily similar. There were about 40 people in our group, but I had Tuan, Sharon, Sharon's brother Steve, Mike B. and James to contend with at my table. Mike B. and James are on the Rwanda team, and as we'd gotten introduced to the congregation at church tonight, the rest of the table was asking us some questions. Somehow we got on the subject of whether I'd get taken in a fight for my wallet. I said something about it taking more than wind to knock me down since I'm female and my center of gravity is low. Tuan said, "You? Low?! You're the second tallest girl I've ever seen!" which prompted me to say, "Yes, Tuan, but balance isn't all about height. I don't know if you've noticed that the bottom of half of my body didn't get the message that I was Caucasian. You ain't knockin' this thing down with a stick, no-how."

Disbelieving laughter from the other members of the table. Then, Tuan again: "Whatever. I have seen a LOT of ghetto booty, and let me tell you...it's a lot more massive than yours." [This is true, actually. Tuan owns a kayaking business and was hired to work for Fifty Cent a few weekends ago at a party at his house in Farmington. Through a series of unfortunate events, Sharon ended up having to relieve Tuan and missed my girls' night party. Ladies and gentlemen, when you see me, you don't see just a girl. You see a girl who's been officially blown off for Fifty Cent.]

This, of course, prompted Tuan's girlfriend Sharon to ask why he was looking. As the debate raged on their end, the jokes becoming less and less appropriate for a post-church function, Sharon's brother Steve cut in. Steve had never visited Sanctuary before, never met me, never had Archie's wings either -- but Steve had something to say.

"You know," he said, and the gravity of his voice commanded our attention, "I have a confession to make. I was praying tonight after the sermon -- " We quieted down. Tonight's service was particularly moving; there was a spirit of unity about the place that's been missing for awhile, and something in Steve's tone suggested he wanted to talk about something more pressing than dress size. Steve continued.

"--and when I looked up, there -- in front of me -- was the booty in question. I stared at your booty, Jessica. And then I went to the front to pray."