May Cause Dizziness, Drowsiness, Nausea, Fever, Vertigo, and -- Suicidal Ideation?

Guess who's home sick today?!

I started my malaria series last night. I like the sound of that, don't you? "Malaria series" -- sounds dangerous! Sounds deadly! Wanna know why? Because it is. I knew the risks involved with taking Lariam, the cheapest, most widely prescribed anti-malaria pill; I also know that side effects don't, well, usually affect me. (Did you see that fancy grammatical footwork? Effect! Affect! E! A! Even now, Mrs. Rodriguez's stern tones ring in my ears: "You EFFECT a change. You ARE AFFECTED.") I guess my turn in the medical wringer has come, however; I popped the first pill last night and spent the rest of it shivering, then sweating, then envisioning that the pair of jeans at the foot of my bed held a body. The point is, I didn't spend it sleeping. The last time I looked at the clock before I finally fell asleep, it was 5:30 a.m. My alarm went off at 6:30. I got up and fell back down -- why, helloooo, vertigo! So nice to see you! (Mike Douglas, that's for you. I'm thinking First Season of Arrested Development, I'm thinking Buster, I'm thinking Lucille Austero.) Needless to say, I didn't think being behind the wheel of a car in rush hour traffic was a good idea. Instead, I flopped downstairs and onto the couch and curled up into a ball. When I woke, I googled Lariam.

"Lariam's more common side effects include: nausea [check], vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain, loss of balance [check], dizziness [check], vertigo [check], sleep disorders [check], ringing in the ears, headache [double check], muscle cramps [check], abnormal dreams, emotional instability [no comment], insomnia [check], panic attacks, hallucinations [check], anxiety, depression, paranoid reactions, convulsions, visual impairment, numbness, rashes, and itching. The use of Lariam with quinine or quinidine may result in cardiac arrest. There have been approximately a dozen reported suicides and hundreds of cases of depression among Lariam users. Furthermore, it is believed there may be links between an outbreak of domestic killings at Fort Bragg North Carolina linked to Lariam."

And here's the FDA on the matter:

"The most FREQUENTLY REPORTED adverse EVENTS ARE nausea, vomiting, LOOSE STOOLS OR DIARRHEA, ABDOMINAL PAIN, dizziness OR VERTIGO, LOSS OF BALANCE, AND NEUROPSYCHIATRIC EVENTS SUCH AS HEADACHE, SOMNOLENCE, AND SLEEP DISORDERS (INSOMNIA, ABNORMAL DREAMS). THESE are USUALLY mild and may decrease DESPITE CONTINUED USE.

OCCASIONALLY, MORE SEVERE NEUROPSYCHIATRIC DISORDERS HAVE BEEN REPORTED SUCH AS: SENSORY AND MOTOR NEUROPATHIES (INCLUDING PARESTHESIA, TREMOR AND ATAXIA), CONVULSIONS, AGITATION OR RESTLESSNESS, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, MOOD CHANGES, PANIC ATTACKS, FORGETFULNESS, CONFUSION, HALLUCINATIONS, AGGRESSION, PSYCHOTIC OR PARANOID REACTIONS AND ENCEPHALOPATHY. RARE CASES OF SUICIDAL IDEATION AND SUICIDE HAVE BEEN REPORTED THOUGH NO RELATIONSHIP TO DRUG ADMINISTRATION HAS BEEN CONFIRMED.

OTHER symptoms: VISUAL DISTURBANCES, VESTIBULAR DISORDERS INCLUDING TINNITUS AND HEARING IMPAIRMENT[...what?], DYSPNEA, asthenia, malaise, fatigue, fever, SWEATING chills, DYSPEPSIA AND loss of appetite."

Betsy and Juli, I'm harmless. Honest. I can't even walk across the room right now without holding onto something, let alone raise the cast-iron pot over my head. Of real concern, however, is that I'll fall down the stairs in a vertiginous rage, break my neck, and be labeled a suicide.

I can't let that happen without issuing the following public service announcement, to wit, that my friends are geniuses all. Congratulations to Hillary, DTC, PHurls, Kadlec, Maura, Remmington Steele, Jill, Emily, Krish, and the Colonel on making law review/law journals! I have no right to be this proud of you, minus the small fact that PHurls told me that I was his inspiration. If I do lose my life to Lariam, a small "In Memoriam" in the front of this year's edition of BCLR will suffice. In the meantime, I'm going to go develop more side effects. Cheers!