Consies, Why You Gotta Be Hatin'?

It's 11 p.m. on a Saturday night, and I'm happily typity-type typing away. Searching for "'rice Christians' AND Rwanda" on Google (thanks for the term, D-Dubs), I have come across a personal website with an ad for www.conservativematch.com. The tagline, you ask?

"Sweethearts, not bleeding hearts."

!!!, and !!!

Again, !!! !!!!

It continues: "Are you tired of meeting liberals at the bar?! Do you get sick of hearing your boyfriend or girlfriend bash conservatives [bashing: bad for the chemical romance]?! Now there is hope!" The picture below the caption shows five bikini-clad women hopping around an oil-field-turned-golf-course eating red meat and drinking beer while caddying for a lone Caucasian male, about 5'11", wearing a polo shirt with the collar popped up and a pair of Diesel jeans and talking loudly on his mobile with his stock broker -- something about thinking about the bottom line.*

Kidding! But darn it, now that it's been mentioned, I am tired of meeting liberals in bars. If there's one thing worse than meeting a drunkenly belligerent conservative in a bar -- and there is --, it's...well, no. No, I've still gotta say it's meeting a drunkenly belligerent conservative. But drunkenly belligerent liberals are a close second. Honestly, I think I'm just over drunken belligerence in general; belligerence and sobriety make better, more reliable bedfellows. As to drunken political scalliwags: git 'er done, as I (never) say!** Off wi' their 'eads!

The site reminds me of a great moment in Jessican history in which I had the good fortune of watching Andrew Cuomo make Peggy Noonan concede defeat in laughter. Along with other members of SJC's Honors Program, I'd secured tickets to the Connecticut Forum at the Bushnell to watch Peggy Noonan, Newt Gingrich, Andrew Cuomo and Jonathon Kozol talk at each other till they were blue in the face. Gwen Ifill moderated. Ms. Noonan, in a response to an audience question about media coverage of Monicagate, reminded the crowd that Hollywood still supported the Left, heathens though the Left may be: "Have you seen West Wing?" she asked. "They might as well call it Left Wing."

The next moment was priceless because the microphone just barely caught Mr. Cuomo's remarks. It was clear by the look on his face that even he'd had no idea he could be so spontaneously witty; it was also clear he was slightly mortified that an audience of almost 2,000 had captured a comment he intended only Mr. Kozol to hear:"If they called it The Right Wing, no one would watch it," he said.

The crowd exploded into applause and laughter. Even Ms. Noonan grinned like a schoolgirl.

Go, Supremes! And pass me a chicken wing. If you need me, I'll be in the back 40, watering the lawn in my Juicy Coutoure sweatsuit and reading Scalia while pondering the existential meaning of not having enough money for a pedicure.*

*Seriously, I'm kidding.
** Seriously.