Where we are.

"As long as there is hunger, poverty and treatable disease in the world, there is work for us to do. As long as nations fight, and [humans] hate, and corruption stalks the corridors of power; as long as there is unemployment and homelessness, depression and despair, our task is not yet done, [sic] and we hear, if we listen carefully enough, the voice of God asking us, as he asked the first humans, 'Where are you?'"

-Jonathan Sacks

Where am I?

I am in the process of becoming available. I am fighting myself. I am fighting with God. I am in line at the grocery store wishing I looked like that. I am watching bad TV. I am making faces with my cousin in the mirror. I am gasping for breath. I am dying for your love. I am in awe. I am non-plussed. I am making dinner and drinking wine and filling my gas tank and growing my hair and staring too long and working for nothing and stuck, stuck, stuck in all of the busyness that Not Caring engenders -- no, requires. I am making excuses. I am overcome. I am grieving for us all. I am not writing enough. I am writing too much. I am going back to school. I am buying a kite. I am dreaming big. I am moving out. I am refusing to listen to the Lie that says I need what I don't, that I want what I can't, that I can't do as I must. I am giving in to temptation. I am sleeping in. I am packing up. I am shipping out. I am looking up at the clouds. I am going to the beach. I am making them laugh. I am willing to forget. I am feeding the selfish beast inside. I am dancing. I am playing with children. I am loving the Ditty Bops and staying up too late and becoming acquainted with the good life of books, tea, and friendship. I am missing my family. I am endlessly traveling someplace. I am learning to love football and tacos and bowling and backpacks filled with tin pans and extra pairs of socks.

I am waiting to become more than this.